It was the millennium, a time that meant new beginnings and hope for a lot of people. What we didn’t know was what it was going to mean to us, something that would effect me, my family and in particular my sister Kerry and her husband David, it would effect them in a way that know body would understand unless it had happened to them. The first half of the year passed with all the usual ups and down’s experienced by the average family. Nothing different, no great catastrophes, in fact the millennium year was to be no different than any other year. It was the beginning of June that would hold the significant event that would mark our lives forever.

It was a phone call from my mother that changed things, she told me that Kirsty, my eight- year-old niece, had been taken to hospital; she had fallen and hit her head, which had left her feeling giddy. “Don’t worry” I told mum. “Children are always having little accidents like that; she will probably stay the night for observation and then be sent home in the morning”. “Yes your probably right” Mum replied.
 
Kirsty was discharged that evening with her parents being instructed to take her back to the hospital if there was any change in her condition.

The following day Kerry and David was very concerned for Kirsty as she did not seem her usual self, so they took her back to hospital and insisted that she was given another examination. When the consultant had seen Kirsty he felt that David and Kerry were right to be concerned and suggested that Kirsty be given a brain scan to make sure she had not injured herself more than had been realised. That is when the bottom of Kerry and David’s world fell away and they went into freefall. They were told that Kirsty had a brain tumour and that it was serious, just how serious they did not know until she had been given further test.

David phoned me that afternoon to tell me what the consultant had said, I could feel the sense of fear and anxiety in his voice as he explained to me what he had been told. When David had finished talking to me on the telephone I told Gail my wife what he had said, we just sat looking at each other not really taking in what we had just been told.  We decided not to rush to the hospital as my parents were already there with Kerry and David and we thought that it would be easier for them to talk to the consultants without more relations hovering around. Me and Gail thought that she would probably receive some treatment and everything would be okay, after all these kinds of things happen to other people and not so close to home, don’t they?

The day that all this happened was sixth of June, a day that would change the lives of our family forever. I cannot be sure what time of the day the phone rang again as we were going about our daily routine with our minds working overtime. It was my sister Kerry to tell me the results of Kirsty’s test. When she managed to actually say something all she could do was blurt out the words  “Lee the Tumour, they said it’s inoperable.”  She could not say anything else and just broke down in tears. David took the phone from her and explained what they had been told. I was absolutely stunned, no not Kirsty it can’t be, she has always been too much of a livewire, and she’s too healthy I thought to myself. I did not know what to say but tried to console David and Kerry, which under the circumstance was probably a futile thing to try and do. David asked if I would collect his parents for him and so along with Gail and his parent’s I made my way to the hospital that afternoon to see if we could help them in any way possible.

On arriving at the hospital we were met by David in the car park, he was dazed and not in control of himself although to the outside world he probably looked quite composed. He took us along to Kirsty’s ward where we found her to be in high spirits ordering the hospital staff and visitors around.  We noticed that when she climbed off of her bed she was uncoordinated but seemed to be fine in herself. Kerry and David had to go and have a word with the consultants whilst Gail and I attempted to keep Kirsty calm and quiet. Kirsty had other ideas and suddenly grabbed hold of me. “Uncle Lee come and play snooker” she demanded.

And before I could refuse she was out of her bed and on her way to the day room. I followed after her and we began to play snooker, she knew that she was having trouble focussing on the balls and also unable to control the snooker cue but she would not admit defeat and refused to give in. She just gritted her teeth, giggled at herself, looked at me with her angelic but mischievous face and tried again.

After a while she became bored so we went back to the ward where she decided that we would sit and watch her favourite episode of friends on the television and video that was in her room along with Gail and David’s parents.

We were in the day room when a nurse came for me and asked if I would go to Kerry in the relative’s room as she wished to have a word with me. I left Kirsty with David’s parents and went to the relative’s room where I found Kerry in a huddle crying hysterically in Gail’s arms. “What’s the matter?” I asked. I could tell from the look of shock and disbelief on her face that there was something terribly wrong. She had been told that Kirsty had a condition known as Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma, a tumour that was extremely rare in adults let alone children. She was told that if the tumour was of a very aggressive type Kirsty’s health could deteriorate rapidly and that she could be gone from us within five months. My emotions seemed suddenly to run out of control and I felt sick to my stomach, this can’t be happening I thought they must have got it wrong, I had just been laughing and larking around with Kirsty and although her health was not one hundred per cent at the moment she did not seem that bad. I felt as if I could have just got up and walk away at that point but when I looked at Kerry I was jolted back to my senses, whatever I felt it could not compare to how David and Kerry must have been feeling. I put my arms around Kerry and with Gail on the other side we tried to console her and rationalise what we had been told.

Kerry eventually regained her composure and we returned to Kirsty’s bedside where David was waiting for us. David and Kerry decided that for now they would tell Kirsty just enough to enable her to understand that she needed treatment. They would have liked to have told her more but were worried how she might react being so young.

Kirsty was discharged after a couple of day’s as there was nothing that could be done until further investigation, we must have sat in our own homes in the days that followed numbed and unable to accept as true what we had been told. I sat and questioned why this could happen to one so young, how anybody could have faith in god. A few people tried to tell me that god was on our side and would be there to help us through such a difficult period. But no matter what they said I could not bring myself to believe what they said, how can they even consider he existed when he would allow something like this to happen to an innocent eight-year-old?

The medication that Kirsty was prescribed had the adverse affect of giving her the most voracious appetite. She would consume huge amounts of food and would ask for more when there seemed to be no room left for more.

Kirsty had to attend the hospital every Friday during June to discuss her health and to see how she was responding to her treatment; she also had to be measured for a head mask, to allow this to be done with out causing her too much distress she had to be told something about her condition. Kerry and David decided that they would tell her that she had a lump in the back of her head that had to be shrunk using a special laser treatment. They thought it best not to use the term cancer as this may prove to be alarming to one so young. The mask was to be made to fit the contours of her face and then bolted to a table with Kirsty laying face down to prevent her from moving. This would allow her radiotherapy to be administered in a precise position.

Shortly after Kirsty was diagnosed, a charity organisation from the hospital that becomes involved with terminally ill children asked Kirsty what she would like to do or where she would like to go as a special treat.  “I would like to take some food parcels to South Africa for the starving children” she replied. I found this remarkable when she could have had anything she wanted; in fact her mother and father had to explain how this was not practical and talk her in to having something else. She decided on a trip to Florida, to visit Disneyland. This was not the only example of thoughtfulness that Kirsty showed to other people that were less fortunate than her. She would very often stop in front of the homeless in the city shopping centre and demand that Kerry and David gave them some money to get a meal, anything less than a pound or two would result in a steely glare and a refusal to move on. Some day’s by the time that they had walked around the shops David said he was penny-less and could not afford to eat out himself. I used to laugh and take the Mickey as I imagined all the tramps and homeless packed into McDonald’s enjoying a burger with Kirsty, Kerry and David stood outside with belly’s rumbling.

Kristy’s mask had been made and her treatment was due to start in July which entailed her visiting the hospital five-day’s a week for six weeks. It must have been quite an ordeal as when Kirsty’s mask was put on to her head she resembled the man in the iron mask, this was then secured to a table so that she could not move as the nurses needed to pass a laser through certain points in the mask to attack the tumour and shrink it. Kirsty would often complain about the smell this produced so Gail made her a lavender bag that she would place beside her to try and hide the smell. Such was the character of Kirsty that she would not let this interfere with her life and when her treatment session was over she would hurry away from the hospital and continue with her everyday life.
 
One afternoon after leaving the hospital we visited a garden centre and bought a load of plants as Kerry and David wanted to make a new flower border. We could not leave before Kirsty had her usual intake of food, a ritual that she went through where ever she visited. When she finished we put the plants into the cars and set off for Kirsty’s home. We all spent the rest of the day in the garden digging the border and planting the plants. It was hard work and as I was sweating I decided to remove my jumper which caused my hair to stick out in all directions, Kirsty shrieked “Look at he, he’s got funny hair”. Everybody turned round and started to laugh at my new involuntary hairstyle and though I tried to flatten it back down I was the brunt of everybody’s jokes for the rest of day.

After one course of treatment at the oncology unit David and Kerry asked us to take Kirsty on home so that they could have a word with the consultant without her being present. On their return home Kerry and David told us that the consultant had told them that they were pleased at how well Kirsty was responding to her treatment, so well in fact that she was not showing a lot of the side effects that they told them to expect. Unfortunately one of the side effects that she did get was hair loss and just like any other child she was very self-conscious about it. She had very long hair which made it very apparent to her though not so noticeable to those around her. Kerry would sit and brush it for her in such a way that nobody could tell that she was losing hair.

Kirsty had been assigned a social worker to help the family through any problems that may occur due to her illness, her name was Ann and she was to act as a go between for the health authority’s and Kerry and David. She would ask the hospital questions that Kerry and David found it difficult to ask or get a response to. She became a good friend to the family and Kirsty became very fond of her, she was able to sit and talk to Kirsty on a level plain which is something the consultants seemed unable to do, this was a great help when Kirsty had to be told certain aspects of what was happening around her and proved a very valuable asset at time’s. Gail and I were given the opportunity to talk to her on a number of occasions and found her to be a very caring and sensitive person whilst doing a very difficult job at the same time. Perhaps the title of social worker should be changed to something more appropriate and fitting to the work that she did.

Kirsty’s consultant was very pleased with the way that she was responding to her treatment and after one particular session mentioned that perhaps they could look as far ahead as to how they were going to spend their Christmas. Kerry and David were over the moon to receive such news as were we all. They decided to make some plans and asked Kirsty what she would like for Christmas. “Hmm a snooker table“ she said.“A snooker table are you sure” David replied. “Yes please, oh please” she pleaded. She was so eager that David decided that he would buy her one as soon as possible without her knowing and present to her as a surprise when it arrived.

August drew to a close and September had arrived before we knew it, we had spent some memorable time’s with Kirsty, Kerry and David and we had not noticed how fast time had passed us by. David had been told by his place of employment to take as much time off of work as he wanted to and him and Kerry focused as much of their time as they possibly could on Kirsty. They would become very tired and they tended to become short tempered with people which were understandable with the burden they were carrying around with them. Having said that they were able to hide their feelings from Kirsty and she didn’t seem to suspect that they were worried sick.

As the days went by it became more and more apparent that Kirsty herself was becoming more tired especially towards the end of the day. She would become less coordinated as the day wore on but would still insist on playing snooker, she would continue until it seemed as if she would need matchsticks to keep her eyelids open.

By the middle of September Kerry and David had become very anxious as Kirsty did not seem to be herself. They got in contact with Anne who visited Kerry and David at their home to find out what was on their mind.

Ann got in touch with the hospital and with in a day or so the consultant contacted Kerry and David with an appointment to go for another MRI scan, it was to be nine o’clock Thursday morning the twenty-first of September. I asked if I could drive them to their appointment and then I would be close enough to offer my support if it was needed. Thursday arrived and when I collected Kirsty and her family from their home I was surprised to see how lethargic Kirsty had become. We made our way to the hospital and she was complaining that she did not want to have the scan done; this was the first time that I had really heard her complain and goes to show how poorly she must have been feeling.  “If you have the scan” said David “I’ll give you a ten pound note to spend on whatever you want”.  “Really” said Kirsty unexpectedly with a little twinkle in her eye.

By the time we had arrived at the clinic the twinkle had vanished again and Kirsty was not looking forward to the scan at all, she had started to feel bilious and was feeling to weak to walk to the x-ray department. We pushed her there in her wheelchair and when we arrived the medical team prepared her for the scan, they had told Kirsty to take one of her favourite music cassettes as they were able to pipe the music in to the scanner hopefully taking her mind off the process. I remember looking in to the scanner and seeing her lips moving in unison with the lyrics of the cassette which was, “I’m going to Ibiza” by the Venga boy’s.
David and I looked at each other smiling at her singing away, apparently taking it all in her stride, although it clearly must have been upsetting. Unfortunately as they pulled Kirsty out of the scanner the events of the morning caught her up and she was sick which upset her even more. We told her not to worry and pushed her out to meet Kerry who had felt a bit distressed and had stayed outside as she did not want Kirsty to pick up on her concern.

Kirsty seemed to pick up a bit when she saw her mum so we made our way to the shop to buy her some sweets and a drink. She told us what she would like but after just one sweet she quickly lost her appetite. We got her in to the car and told her that we were going to take her home but she said that she would like to go back to my house first.

We arrived at our house and as David was still suffering with a bad back I carried Kirsty up our long flight of steps, I sat her on the settee and she looked very tired and did not attempt to get off which was very unusual for her. By the time that Gail had made a cup of tea for Kerry and David, Kirsty had fallen asleep. They quickly drank their tea and took Kirsty home for a much needed rest. I remember watching them go and noticing that our moods had changed from the usual loud and laughter one that we adopted even during the times of Kristy’s treatment to one of quietness and great concern, not that we have not always been concerned but there was something different this time, a heaviness in our hearts that could not be explained.

They had not been gone long before the phone rang it was Kerry, they had not been at home long before Kirsty had awaken complaining of a very bad headache and feeling sick, this coupled with her not being able to walk properly prompted  David to phone the family doctor. I told him that I would tell Gail and that we would go over to their house straight away. The doctor arrived at the same time as us and proceeded to examine Kirsty, he decided that it would be better if she were admitted to the hospital to see her own consultant who would be able to help her more than he would be able to. It seemed that no sooner had he had gotten off the phone that the paramedic knocked at the door, he checked Kirsty over while we waited for the ambulance, as soon as it arrived they were able to load Kirsty into the back of the ambulance along with Kerry and David and whisk her off to the hospital as the paramedic had all of her symptoms ready for them. I arranged to pick Mum up and meet them at the children’s hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and found Kerry and David waiting in the emergency department for the consultant to arrive, He had requested that Kirsty’s scan result’s from earlier that morning was delivered to him straight away so that he could see what was happening to her tumour. The rest of us were ushered in to a relative’s room and given a pot of tea and told to make ourselves comfortable. A nice gesture I thought to myself. The consultant arrived with the scan results and had Kirsty admitted to the ward. He took Kerry and David off to an office to discuss the situation with them while the rest of us stood around Kirsty's bed talking to her trying to comfort her as she seemed to be aware that something was amiss.

Ann the social work worker who had travelled back to Bristol to be at Kirsty’s side came into the room at this point, she looked rather windswept and trying to lift the spirit of the room I looked at her and commented “What a bloody mess, I thought you might have made an effort. Still I suppose you made an effort to get here” I said light heartedly. Kirsty took offence at this and although feebly managed to lift her arm and smack me across the face.“Hey Uncle Lee that’s not very nice say sorry to Ann”. We all laughed and I apologised thinking to myself that never have a smacked face ever felt so good. I cherish that moment as much now as I did then.

The banter of our conversation was broken by a loud scream and as I looked outside in to the corridor to see what was happening I saw Kerry disappearing down the hallway, I gave chase and finally caught her as she fled through the doors at the entrance. As I grabbed her she turned and screamed at me,  “He said she’s only got a couple of day’s to live not even that, maybe hours”

She collapsed in to my arms and started to sob uncontrollably. I was conscious of somebody stood behind me and turned to find that Gail had managed to find me, between us we managed to talk to Kerry and convince her to go back in to the hospital and face up to what was happening. I can’t remember what we said but it could not have been anything that would have consoled her and it must have been her love for Kirsty that helped her through. The same applied for David who we found sat with his head in his hand’s trying to come to terms with what they had just heard. Gail went back to Kirsty’s room and sat with her and mum while I sat with Kerry and David to talk to the consultant, they told him that they wanted to take her home to spend her last couple of day’s in her own surrounding’s, He was not very happy as this meant that he would not be in control of what was happening but as there was nothing that he could do for her except make her as comfortable as possible, he agreed to let her home with a nurse to look after her and administer her morphine.

Kirsty was discharged and the consultant told us that as Kirsty was so ill we would have to drive carefully as she may not be strong enough to cope with the journey home. We made our way back to Kirsty’s room and told her that she was allowed home. “Am I going in the ambulance again” she asked.  “No we’re going in Uncle Lee’s car” David replied. “Oh Dad, Uncle Lee’s driving worry’s me a bit” she said with a little spark of devilment in her eye’s.
Ann laughed and suggested  “Perhaps you had better stay here then, I can arrange it”. “No I think I’ll chance it” Kirsty said. We made our way to my car which was a rather dated Ford Sierra which usually rattled and squeaked at every bump and turn. Eerily I remember that the journey home could not have been quieter had we been driving a Roll’s Royce.

With the exception of Kirsty none of us slept that evening as we were all sat watching her, fearing that what we had been told would happen. We still hoped that the inevitable would not happen, that the lord, if he existed would allow us a miracle, maybe she would pull through and prove everybody wrong. Our minds were all over the place and not making much sense.

Friday morning arrived and we had ran out of tea and sugar. I offered to go to the shops for supplies and asked Kirsty if there was anything special that she fancied for breakfast.     “Crumpets” she said. “Crumpets and Sunny D” which was her favourite fruit drink. She was showing signs of having problems with her speech and we had been pre- warned by the consultant that this may happen along with the rest of her vital organs shutting down one by one. I set off for the shops with a laden heart to buy her the crumpets, on my return Kerry toasted a couple of crumpets for her which happened to be a new square shaped variety and gave them to Kirsty. “Square one’s that’s funny” she said. “Mmm nice” she muttered as she took a bite. But unfortunately she was unable to eat anymore, she also found it difficult to drink her orange without the use of a straw and we would sit there and hold her glass for her until she finished or gestured that she had had enough.
 
Kerry asked me if I could go to the local clinic and collect a commode for Kirsty to use as she was finding it so difficult to walk up and down the stairs. I returned with the commode and carried it in to the front room showing it to Kirsty. “Look what I got for you Kirsty” I said. She looked at us huffily “I’m not using that. What you think, I’m a baby” she said. Whatever we said to try and encourage her she refused to take notice of and we had to struggle up and down the stairs with her, Kerry in the front and me at the back guiding her painstakingly slowly, once we had reached the top of the stair’s she would tell me to sit there and wait for her return to help her back down. One could only marvel at her single mindedness.

That afternoon we were sat in the living room watching her snooze when a blanket fell off the back of the settee causing her to stir, I bent down behind the settee and picked up the blanket to put it back. Kirsty opened her eyes and grinning uttered a sentence that would be repeated by Me, Gail, Kerry and David for years to come. “Look at he, he’s got funny hair”. Kerry and I laughed and I playfully pinched Kirsty on the cheek. Those words were some of the last word’s that Kirsty was able to speak clearly and is probably the reason why they mean so much to me.

Saturday came all too quickly; Kirsty had slept on and off through the night but the rest of us had been awake watching over her. During the morning when she awoke from one of her nap’s we found that she had lost the ability to talk and seemed to be in some discomfort. Kerry and David had managed to remain composed throughout their torment but were unable to control their emotions at this moment with Kerry bursting in to tear’s in front of Kirsty. Kirsty looked alarmed to see her mother in such a state so I told her that her mum was suffering from a very bad migraine, she held out her arm’s and gestured to her mother to go to her for a cuddle. As I looked on I marvelled at the unselfishness of Kirsty at a time when she must have needed comforting herself.

Sometime later that morning Kirsty’s breathing became laboured and she would drift in and out of deeper and deeper sleep. We took it in turn’s to sit with her and even while she was asleep we would tell her how much we all loved her, just in case she could hear what we was saying. She had been unable to talk for quite a few hours so when she was awake we would sit in front of her and move close and she would use her face to tell us what she needed.

Kirsty drifted off in to a deep sleep again and we sat and had a cup of tea in silence waiting for her to reawaken. The door bell rang and I went to answer it, it was my eldest son Jamie. He had brought the Disney film Tarzan for Kirsty to watch as she said that she would like to see it. She stirred from her sleep and Jamie said Hello to her and left the film for her to watch. We put the video on for her but she just drifted off to sleep shortly after it had started. She never got to watch the film and I have never sat to watch it either since.

Kerry and David looked very tired both physically and mentally but was still unable to sleep, they sat in a chair each and was watching Kirsty as I sat there taking my turn to cuddle her, she had fallen in to a deep sleep and her breathing had become very shallow, I looked up to mention it to Kerry and David and noticed that they had both drifted off to sleep themselves. I left them to get some rest and sat there cuddling Kirsty listening to the rhythm of her breathing fearing that the pattern may change at any moment.

Time slowly passed by and my arm was beginning to ache with the weight of Kirsty lying on it for so long, she suddenly became agitated and when I looked in to her eye’s it was as if she was trying to tell me something. I awoke Kerry and David and told them that it may be a good idea if they now sat with Kirsty and I then moved out of their way and sat in one of the chairs. I looked across at the three of them sat on the settee and saw that Kirsty had become calm and settled again, they looked a picture of serenity cuddled together and seemed to feel the room with an overwhelming sense of love; the all room suddenly seemed illuminated. I suddenly felt very tired something that I had not felt for quite a while, I threw a cushion to the floor and no sooner had my head touched it than I fell asleep with picture’s of Kirsty dancing across my eye lid’s. I was suddenly awoken by a scream and startled to hear my name being called, it was Kerry.

“No, no please no” she cried. “Lee don’t let her die” she pleaded. I looked on helpless unable to do anything, I would gladly have gone in her place, I had already offered to in my prayers which must sound hypocritical as I had lost my faith long ago.

Kirsty had died twenty minutes past two on Sunday twenty-fourth September. It seemed that Kirsty had been waiting for me to fall asleep so that she would be alone with her mother and father at the private time of her passing over and may be that was what she was trying to tell me just before I had swapped places with Kerry and David.

Gail and Mum came rushing in to the room and we all fell in to each others arm’s crying uncontrollably. We gradually regained some kind of control of ourselves and started to inform the rest of the family what had happened. We laid Kirsty out on the settee as we knew that the family would be along to pay their last respects. Kerry and David went in to the front room again to look at Kirsty and called out, “Come and see”. We hurried in to the room to see what the matter was and were greeted by the most angelic smile I have ever seen. Whatever had happened or whatever pain Kirsty had been in before she had died, now seemed to have disappeared as a smile had crept across her face. She seemed to be at peace with the world and was letting us know in the only way possible.

On reflecting upon the events of the past few months, I found that I had become a different person altogether I would look at people in a different light than I had before. I used to judge people on their face value but having spent so much time with Kirsty I had learned to be a lot more compassionate. I now rarely pass a street beggar without throwing them a few coppers. Not long after Kirsty had passed over I remember walking along the street eating a hot dog and as I passed a beggar I felt as if I had been poked in the back and that somebody had whispered in my ear,"Aye you”. I turned guiltily around and returned to where the beggar was sitting, I offered him my food which he readily accepted sharing it with his dog. I turned to walk away looking towards the sky and with a wry smile on my face said “Thanks a bunch Kirsty I was enjoying that”.

For one so young Kirsty seemed to have taught me compassion, patience and understanding, something that I was short of in the past. She had strangely made me regain my faith, something that had disappeared slowly during my adult life. Why this happened I don’t really know but I now look at the world in a much different light.

Kerry and David have moved on, although it has been a very difficult time for them, sometimes they would move one step forward and then two steps back. They have been blessed with another daughter whom they have called Chloe. Hopefully she will help them build a new life and help them find some happiness again.

I feel very lucky to have known Kirsty even for such a short period; although she was only a child when she passed on she has influenced my life as much as any adult would have been able to. She will always remain a part of my life and rarely a day goes by that I do not think of her. Sometimes she will visit me in my dreams and sometimes I will do something and think to myself that a certain little person pushed me in that direction. I know that one day and indeed look forward to hearing those words that I hold so dear again, ” LOOK AT HE, HE’S GOT FUNNY HAIR”, followed by an enormous belly laugh.

Written by Lee, in the memory
Of Kirsty Louise Bradbury

A Daughter, granddaughter, niece
And cousin but most of all a
Very special person